PLACE VALUE

For the sake of making a point, I am high jacking the term “place value,” which normally means where the decimal comes in a number,  determining the value of any string of numbers.  Instead of that typical definition, I am using “place value” to refer to the value we place on ourselves.  Which, when I come to think of it, isn’t all that different from its traditional meaning.

Some people place their inner decimal point to the far right, experiencing themselves as having a great deal of value.  Others might put it close to the middle, while still others might draw it all the way to the left, seeing themselves as not worth much.  Even with the exact same string of numbers, there would be a huge diversity of value (and my guess is the estimates would often be wildly out of sync with reality). 

In dealing with grannie clients & potential clients, it’s essential that I have a fairly good idea of my own place value.  There are people who are flat-out horrified at the rate I charge, not knowing or caring to know that it is lower than the going rate for traditional care givers, which I most certainly am not.  

Strangely, it is typically the ones who you’d think could afford it the easiest who seem to balk at paying anything close to reasonable (because it's not to them). 

It took someone taking unthinking advantage of a longstanding grannie client for me to realize how I wasn't placing value on the unusual services I offer.  The person had joined us on several rambles, at our invitation.  Because we invited her, it never occurred to me to request she pay for my time.  While some of my friends were askance that she didn’t at least offer to pay me some small amount, I understood – she enjoyed her time with us without valuing my time.  And that didn't bother me, although it should have.  

But then she shorted a grannie client & everything changed in my view.  She'd asked to come along on an outing, so I said we'd love took the opportunity to say we’d love to have her company – but she would be expected to help pay the cost of my meal (on all previous outings, she’d let my grannie client cover any meals).  When the bill came, she put down a $20 bill, announcing that it paid for her portion of the meal & the tip.  Except it was short.  Making such a fanfare of saying, “THIS pays for my part of the bill & the tip,” left me somewhat flummoxed at how to point out she was over $5 short of the actual amount.  Although I let it slide, it steeled my spine against inviting her on future fun outs & abouts.

Over the two or so months between then & now, she’s frequently made mention about wanting to join us on our rambles and sips & nibble stops, always asking ME to call her to let her know what was happening.  Well, I’ve placed enough value on my time & planning to not fall into that possibly unintentional snare - if she wanted to come, she’d have to make the effort & take the lead.  This week, she did, being clear that she wants to join us on a particular outing.

It’s interesting what happens when I’ve laid out in my mind a particular course of action I would take if a particular situation arose.  Following up on it is relatively easy, because in some ways I’ve gone through the different scenarios in my mind countless unconscious times.  Doing the right thing becomes easier because it’s become so familiar.  

The upshot is that I wrote her a note letting her know my weekly out & about schedule with the particular grannie client, then let her know that – in the interest of fairness – she’d have to be on the same footing as my g.c. IF she wanted to come. 

Could I have written such a note even a year ago?  I doubt it.  Maybe all the times I’ve advised my various grannie clients to realize the value they each bring to those around them sunk into my own noggin, allowing me to see how often I underappreciated the time & unusual skill set I bring to my non-traditional senior care.  It’s taken me years to appreciate that through both nature & nurture, I’ve developed a unique (some might say peculiar) skill set for helping “olders” make the most of what they have, where they are.  Because of my experience with Mom & Mom Murphy, both of whom had full & rich lives right up to their passing, the vision I bring to elder care is one of wholeness & vitality.  That is a blessing. 

If I had my druthers, I’d be fully underwritten & NO ONE would have to pay a penny.  Anyone who wanted to make use of my time & trusty “chariot” could enjoy getting out into the wilds of the local highways & byways, could savor indulging in a luscious sundae at oWOWcow, a meander capped off by lunch at Farmhouse Tavern, or a glorious evening of good companionship & great singing at Centre Bridge Inn.  And that might happen some day.  In the meantime, I will continue to position my “place value” in a realistic place & ask that others do the same.